Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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