I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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