I hate your face
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
