the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
