I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
