he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
