what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
