Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize