Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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