Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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