Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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