he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Are we still banned from the library?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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