I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
