i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
