once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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