WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
