how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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