the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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