i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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