i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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