I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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