i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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Shitshow foam night was such a success
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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