Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
