i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
