my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Are we still banned from the library?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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