How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I am naked and annoyed.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
