my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
