I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
