I wish my penis had an off switch
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
