So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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