WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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