Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
