yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
