if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
