You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
