It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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