He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
