I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
