i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
