ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
