I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
