Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
