I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
