i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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