so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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