so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
