Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
