is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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