she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think your dad took our porno
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
