May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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