You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
