What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
