I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
im holly from the hills drunk
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
