I'm so fucking centered right now
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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