he thought i was a dude.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
