no, he came in my armpit
thus making me awesome and them whores
He kissed a someone with a penis
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
