4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
