why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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