You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Be still, my beating vagina.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
