I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
