I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
